Don’t You Ever Let Nobody Drag Your Spirit Down!

Once again, I have been slurred by a coward.
Someone, remaining anonymous, has warned a dear friend of mine to beware of me as I exhibit the behavior of a “Dangerous Narcissist”.
My friend is too cowed to tell me who it is or what they said exactly but once again I am confronted with the innate back stabbing cowardice that too often typifies southern California character; or lack thereof.

To quote Kamala Harris, “if you have something to say, say it to my face”!

But I am fascinated as to how the over–therapized California resident has misappropriated actual medical vocabulary to use to further their personal spiteful agendas.

Narcissism, from the greek myth of Narcissus, is a specific mental health condition that has to do with a fixation on the self at the expense of other “healthy” relationships. As any qualified therapist would tell you, as with most mental conditions, everyone exists on a spectrum. It’s not a black or white proposition. You’re not either a Narcissist or NOT a Narcissist; but rather we all exhibit Narcissistic tendancies. The diagnosis comes about when the tendency becomes so intense or acute that the individual is impaired in their otherwise “normal” social relationships.

In my instance specifically, it took me decades of meditation and self reflection to come to a point where I could admit to loving and caring for and about my Self. Having been tormented as a child, often times violently so, for my Russian heritage name of Igor, I had assimilated a strong impulse towards self loathing. In actually believing that the reason I was such an object of derision and hostility from my peers was somehow, ‘my fault’ and due to a failure on my part.

Two factors remedied this.
One was to leave the country.

As soon as I moved to Europe and a Gallic centered society. My name did not change but it’s social value did. Instead of being endlessly teased as a “monster” out of a horror film or later out of Mel Brook’s comedic interpretation of Frankenstein, (great film, btw), instead people identified me for what my name really meant: an indication of my Russian heritage.

Both my father’s parents immigrated from Poland and Russia in the early part of the 20th century. My mother named me Igor in tribute to my heritage, that of refugees escaping pogroms and anti semitic prejudice.

In Europe, my name has a good currency value. The second change from self loathing and self doubt to self acceptance was my readings into Buddhism, particularly the work of the Japanese scholar and translator, DT Suzuki and his 3 volume opus on Zen Buddhism. Alan Watts and Christian Humphries also helped. When I took my book learnt knowledge and applied it and actually started to regularly meditate, the toxic social poisons I had inadvertently assimilated began to dissipate.

Ultimately it was poetry that brought me to my senses between pariah and ‘attractor of beautiful European women’. Walt Whitman taught me to love and celebrate myself, my body, spirit and mind in his seminal Leaves of Grass. To anyone who has ever suffered from the imposed self loathing that comes with attempting to conform to an oppressive, Protestant mediocrity, I suggest re-reading I Sing the Body Electric.

In this celebratory prayer to self love and the celebration of the self, Whitman touches us with an eternal universal truth: that we are all not just worthy of Love but are the very source of Love.

Our bodies ARE Electric, super charged with the beauty of Being.
We are already super heroes, capable of extraordinary acts of heroic kindness.

My self love is not a superior love. On the contrary, I love myself simply and precisely because I am not better than anyone else. Because of the fact that we are all equally beautiful as the bright, shining magical creatures that human beings are.

Upon my return to my native land, I carried this self certainty with me as well as try to share the self realization with others. Unfortunately, my taunters of childhood are still here and their self limitations makes them target me as arrogant, self aggrandizing and yes, Narcissistic.

I remind myself that these are their failings, not mine.
A social, shared neurosis.
However, the hostility and down right abusive treatment persists and I must stand firm in the gail of human avarice, clutching my self–worth to my breast and holding my head up in the self-knowledge that to love myself is not to love anyone else less, and is tribute to a very human humility, not superiority.

In fact, to love yourself is not Narcissism, it is a state of humility of awe and wonderment at the nature, the body and the spirit each of us actually are and too often forget to recollect to our competitive lives.

And that, my friends, is the rest of my story.

To quote Eric Bibb:

Don’t Ever Let Nobody Drag Your Spirit Down

Full Lyrics:

You might slip, you might slide, you might
Stumble and fall by the road side
But don’t you ever let nobody drag your spirit down

Remember you’re walking up to heaven
Don’t let nobody turn you around

Walk with the rich, walk with the poor
Learn from everyone, that’s what life is for
And don’t you let nobody drag your spirit down

Remember you’re walking up to heaven
Don’t let nobody turn you around

Well I might say things that sound strange to you
And I might preach the gospel, I believe it’s true
I won’t let nobody drag my spirit down

Yes, I’m walking up to heaven
Won’t let nobody turn me around

You might slip, you might slide, you might
Stumble and fall by the road side
But don’t you ever let nobody drag your spirit down

Remember you’re walking up to heaven
Don’t let nobody turn you around

October 7, 2024 | Categories: Americana, Faith, Healing, mental health, Mindfulness, Poetry as therapy, Puritanism, San Diego, Self-Therapy, Therapy | Tags: Igor Goldkind, mental health, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic-abuse, relationships | Leave a comment